第1个回答 2015-10-14
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
Cat and Mice
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。
I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？
病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。
我要表现得象位女士
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表现得象位女士
一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”
The Broom Seller and the Barber
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.
"Two pence," said the man.
"No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."
The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.
"A penny." said the barber.
"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."
卖扫帚的人和理发师
一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱.
卖扫帚的人说:"两便士"
"不,不"理发师说,"我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去."
卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱.
卖扫帚的人说:"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上."
Want a Day Off 想请一天假
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, " We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. " I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
一天，史密斯去见他的客户部领导，“老板”，斯密斯说，“我们家明天要大搞清洁，我老婆需要我回去帮忙清洁阁楼和车库，搬搬挪挪什么的。”“斯密斯啊，你也知道，我们现在人手已经不够了”老板说，“明天的假我是没法给你批了”。“多谢老板，” Smith说，“我就知道跟着您干准没错”。
I Lost 我输了
It was at a five o’clock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．
“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”
“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up for it．”
“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”
“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”
五点钟，下午茶的时间，一个年轻人因为迟到向女主人致歉。
“您能来可真好，琼斯先生，您的兄弟在哪儿呢？”
“您知道我们在办公室里有非常忙，我们俩只能来一个，所以就掷币来决定由谁来。”
“太有意思了！还那么有独创性！那您赢了？”
“不，”年轻人心不在焉地说，“我输了。”
我很辛苦才找来的！
第2个回答 2015-03-26
Myfamily Ilovemyfamily,becauseIhaveahappyfamily.MyfatherisanEnglishteacher.HisnameisJacky.Heisthirty-eight.Helikesplayingbasketball.What’smymotherjob?Issheateacher?Yes,you’reright!Mymotherisverykindandnice,sheisthirty-seven.Mymotherisalwayslaboriouswork.Ilovemyparents!OnSaturdayandSunday,Ioftengotothelibraryandplaythepiano,Myfathergotoplaybasketball.Sometimes,wewatchTVandlistentomusicathome.Ilovemyfamily.BecauseI’mveryhappytolivewithmyparentstogether! 我的家庭我爱我的家庭,因为我有一个快乐的家庭.我的爸爸是一名英语教师,他的名字叫Jacky.他今年38岁.他非常喜欢打篮球.我的妈妈是赶什么呢?她是一名教师吗?是的.你说对了!我的妈妈是一个很亲切、友善的人,她今年37岁.我妈妈总是勤劳的干活.我爱我的父母.在星期六和星期天里,我经常去图书馆和弹钢琴.我爸爸去打篮球.有时侯,我们都在家看电视和听音乐.我爱我家.因为我和爸爸妈妈一起生活得很开心! MyRoom Thisismyroom.Nearthewindowthereisadesk.Ioftendomyhomeworkatit.Youcanseesomebooks,someflowersinavase,arulerandapen.Onthewallnearthedeskthereisapictureofacat.Thereisaclockabovetheendofmybed.Iusuallyputmyshoeundermybed.Ofcoursethereisachairinfrontofthedesk.IsitthereandIcanseethetreesandroadsoutside. 我的房间 这是我的房间。在窗口附近有一张书桌。我经常在那做我的家庭作业。您能看有些书，有些花在花瓶里，一把格尺和笔。在墙壁在书桌有猫的图片。有一个时钟在我的床上的末端。我通常把我的鞋子放在我的床下。当然有一把椅子在书桌前面。我坐那里，并且我能看外面的树和路 Skating Momboughtmeapairofskatingshoesatmyfifthbirthday.Fromthenon,Idevelopedthehobbyofskating.Itnotonlymakesmestrongerandstronger,butalsohelpsmeknowmanytruthsoflife.Iknowthatitisnormaltofall,andifonlyyoucangetonyourfeetagainandkeeponmoving,youareverygood! 滑冰 妈妈买了我一双冰鞋鞋子在我的第五个生日。从那时起，我爱好滑冰。它不仅使我越来越加强，而且帮助我知道生活许多真谛。我知道摔倒是正常的，并且，如果只有你能摔倒后再站起来，就是非常好! TheSea Whatdoyouknowaboutthesea?Somepeopleknowaboutit,butothersdon’t.Thesealooksbeautifulonafinesunnyday,theseaisverybig.Intheworld,thereismoreseathanland.DoyouknowHainanIsland?It’sreallyverynice.Wecanseebeaches,treesandthesea.Wecanswimandvisitalotofbeautifulplaces. 海 你对海知道些什么？某些人知道关于它，但其他不。海看起来美丽在一个美好的晴天，海是非常大的。在世界上，比土地有更多海。您是否知道海南岛？那非常好。我们能看海滩、树和海。我们可以游泳和参观很多美好的地方。 Computers Computersarechangingourlife.Youcandoalotofthingswithacomputer.Suchas,youcanuseacomputertowritearticles,watchvideoCDs,playgamesanddoofficework.ButthemostimportantuseofacomputeristojointheInternet.Wedon’tneedtoleavehometoborrowbooksfromalibraryortodoshoppinginasupermarket. Computershelpusliveamoreconvenientlife. 计算机 计算机改变我们的生活。您能做很多事用计算机。例如，您能使用计算机写文章，手表录影CDs，戏剧比赛和完成办公室工作。但对计算机的最重要的用途是加入Internet.我们不需要离开家去从图书馆借用书或在超级市场做购物。 计算机帮助我们居住更加方便的生活。 Smiling Ithinksmilingisasimportantassunshine.Smilingislikesunshinebecauseitcanmakepeoplehappyandhaveagoodday.Ifyouaren’thappy,youcansmile,andthenyouwillfeelhappy.Someonemaysay,“ButIdon’tfeelhappy.”ThenIwouldsay,“Pleasesmileasyoudowhenyouarehappyorplaywithyourfriendshappily.Youwillreallybehappyagain.” Smilingcanletyouhavemorefriends.SoIsay,smilingislikeaflower.Itwillgiveyouhappiness. 微笑 我认为微笑是一样重要的象阳光。微笑是象阳光，因为它可能使人愉快和有一个早晨好。如果您不是愉快的，您能微笑，您然后将感觉愉快。某人也许说，“但是我不感到愉快”。然后我会说，“请微笑，您，当您愉快地是愉快或戏剧与您的朋友。您真正地再将是愉快的”。 微笑可能让您有更多朋友。如此我说，微笑是象花。它将给您幸福。 Sunday ItwasSundayandIdidn'thavetogotoschool.Ifinishedmyhomeworkthedaybefore.SoIdecidedtohelpmotherdohousework.IwashedsomeclothesafterIgotup.ThenIwentshoppingwithabasket.Iboughtsomemeat,eggsandsomevegetablesinthemarket.AfterIcameback,Istartedtocookdinnerforthewholefamily.Intheevening,IsatatthetableandbegantowritedownonmynotebookwhatIhaddoneduringtheday. 星期天 它是星期天，并且我没有必须去学校。我前一天完成了我的家庭作业。如此我决定帮助做家事。在我起来了之后，我洗了一些衣裳。然后我带着篮子去购物。我在市场上买了一些肉、蛋和有些菜。在我回来了之后，我开始为全家烹调晚餐。在晚上，我在我的笔记本写下什么我白天做了什么。 春天：Spring Springisadelightfulseason.Thetemperaturesaremoderate,andthebloomingtreesandflowersmakethecitybrightwithcolors.Thisisthetimewhenwecanbegintowearlighterandmorebrightlycoloredclothesandgooutdoorsmoreoften.Smallerchildrenliketobringtheirkitesouttothespacioussquare.AlsoIenjoygoingbacktothevillageonthisholidayafterbeinginthecityforthewintermonths. 春天是个让人欣喜的季节.气温适中,挂满绿叶的树和盛开的花朵给城市增添了明亮的色彩.在这个时节里,我们可以穿上轻便靓丽的衣服经常出门去了.小孩子们则喜欢在广阔的天空中放风筝.在城里呆了一个冬天之后,我也喜欢回到村子里度假. 夏天： Summeristhegreatseasonforallsportsintheopenair.Itistheseasonforfootballwhichisoftencalledthenationalsportbecauseofitspopularity.Iusuallywatchtelevisionandreadthenewspaperreportsaboutthefootballresultsofthelittleleagues.DuringthesummerIliketogotothebeachoftenbecauseitisveryclosetomyhome.Iusuallygothereduringthesummervacationtorelaxaftermanymonthsinschoolinthecity.Ifeelverycomfortablewiththefamiliarquietlifeofthevillagers. 夏天是户外运动最好的季节.这是一个橄榄球的季节,橄榄球由于广受欢迎被称为全民运动.我常常看电视,看报纸,从报道中获得小联盟橄榄球赛的比赛结果.夏日里,我喜欢经常去海滩,因为那里离我家不远.在城里的学校呆了几个月后,暑假我常常去那里放松一下.此处有我很熟悉的村民们的宁静生活,这让我倍感舒适. 秋天：Autumn FormetheautumnorfallstartsinSeptemberwhenschoolstartsitsnewterm.Iusuallydosomeshopping.Themildweathermadeitverynicetostudyoutsideunderthetreesinasmallparkclosetomyhouse.Iliketolookuptheleaveschangingcolorsfromgreentoredandyellow,andthenbrowncolors.Theparkalsohasmanybrightfallflowers;sometimesIseeasmallsquirrelcomingdownfromthetreetohuntforfoodontheground.Ontheweekends,Isometimesliketoflymykite.Usuallyonthestreetcornersyoucanseestreetpeddlerssellingwarmbakedsweetpotatoes.Thisisanicetimeoftheyear. 我觉得秋天是在9月份新学期开始的时候来临.我常常要去买一些东西.宜人的天气让我感觉在离家不远的小公园的树下学习是件非常惬意的事.我喜欢抬起头看蓍枝头上的树叶由绿变红,变黄,然后再变褐.公园里还有许多鲜艳的秋花.有时我会见到小松鼠从树上跳到地上觅食.在周末,我有时会去放风筝.在街头的拐角处,常常会有街头小贩在卖烤红薯.秋天是一年中的好时节. 冬天：Winter WinterisverycoldandwindyinmostpartsofChina.IusuallylookforwardtotheSpringFestivalandthewinterholidaywhenIcangotothesouthwheretheclimateiswarmerduringtheseholidays.Also,Ilookforwardtoseeingmygrandparentsandmyfriends.Winteristhetimeeveryoneisinafestivemood.Inthecity,Iusuallydoalotofreadingathomeinthewinterbecauseofehcoldweatheroutside. 中国大部分地区的冬天是即冷又有风的。我总是盼望着春节或寒假，到时候我就可以去南方了，当地的气候在这时会暖和的多。我也盼望着去探望我的祖父母和我的朋友。冬天，每个人都怀着喜庆的心情。在城里，冬天的时候我经常待在家里尽情地看书，因为外面的天气非常的冷。本回答被提问者采纳