这是我写的一篇英文情书请大家帮忙给点建议

Question

这是我根据我和她的实际情况写的，以前没写过什么英文情书这次是第一次所以不想搞砸希望大家能够指出缺点比如说哪个用词不准确，哪个句子结构不对，哪里表达的不够清楚。指出并给出改正谢谢！！！回答的好再给50分！！！

I have no idea that from when I kind of had a crush on you.your way to speak,your way to smile,your way to deject are always caught by my eyes. I do not exactly know what kind of feelings it is,but I do realize that I want to see you,to hear your voice,to stay by your side,to share happiness and sorrows with you.I really want to try my best to let you know what I feel but my words was too plain and you know you deserve more..........
You may disappointed at what I did to you. Actually you may thought I did nothing to promote the relationship between you and me. I guess you never thought I cared about you. But,baby that was not true. I was just to proud to say it out cause I am not the kind to ever let my feelings show cause I thought being strong meant never losing my self control. Now i am conscious of i am wrong ，fall in love is so complicated that I do not know how to handle it . But this time I know to let my feelings go chasing the sense from the bottom of my heart, so tell me what can I do to make it up to you? It's really not easy for me to say that cause I never done that before. You are the first girl to whom I have the courage to put down my armor and express my real feelings.I remember when I vowed the vows, I also remember the ache in my heart when I saw the sadness in your eyes.Girl you should know what you have got,others can't steal it. No , they can not even feel it!
Last time when I saw you turn to leave chatting with your friends cheerfully . All of a sudden i almost feel that i will lose you if i don't take any further step to keep you by my side. When i walk home alone i know i need you more than to take a chance on losing you. It's been a long time coming for me and also for you,but i know it's been worth the wait.
Was what I say too much for you ? If it was i apologize. But if you feel what i feel trust your heart and i will take care of everything. Would you like to give me one more chance? Would you?
我不反对大家说垃圾或者狗屁不通之类的话，但要指出错在哪怎么改。象一楼那样的光知道冒充牛比的我不想再看到了老子把分扔水里也不会给他的，二楼三楼做的不错。老子不缺分回答的好再给100！

Answer 1

我把修改好的贴上来：

I have no idea that for what I had a crush on you.Your way to speak,your way to smile,and your way to be upset always catch my eyes. I do not exactly know what kind of feeling it is,but I do realize that I want to see you,to hear you,to stay beside you,and to share happiness and sorrows with you.I tried my best to make you understand how I feel but my words was too plain and I know you deserve more..........
You may be disappointed at what I did to you. Actually you may think I did nothing to promote the relationship between you and I. I guess you never thought I'm caring about you. But baby that was not true. I was so eager to say it out I am not the kind ever to express my feelings because I thought being strong means never losing self control. Now I realize i am wrong.Falling in love is so complicated that I do not know how to handle it . But this time I know to let my feelings follow the sense from the bottom of my heart, so tell me what can I do to make it up for you? It's really not easy for me to say out cause I've never done that before. You are the first girl I express my real feelings to and I have courage to put down my armor toward.I remember when I vowed the vows, I also remember the pain in my heart when I saw sadness in your eyes.Girl you should know what you have got,nobody can steal it. No , they can not even feel it!
Last time when I saw you, you turned back and leave to chatting with your friends cheerfully . All of a sudden i almost feel that i will lose you if i don't take any further step to keep you by my side. When i walked home alone i know i need you rather than take a chance on losing you. It's been a long time coming for me and also for you,but i know it's been worth the wait.
Did I say too much ? If so, i apologize. But if you feel what i feel, trust your heart and i will take care of everything. Would you like to give me one more chance? Would you, my baby?

这位朋友估计有一定海外经历，英文感觉还是不错的，只是在一些基础的语法方面要提高点。辛苦了半天，你得多给我点分啊，呵呵。最后祝你挽回成功，成功了跟我说一声啊，哈哈。

Answer 2

看起来并不怎么。太直白了一些。没有韵调。无法朗朗上口，让对方记忆。有一些像是抄袭味道。这可能与你的英文水平有关。

Answer 3

I have no idea that from when I kind of had a crush on you.your way to speak(建议改the way you speak，以此类推),your way to smile,your way to deject are always caught by my eyes（我建议是她吸引你，不是你注意她，改caught或更好的，absorb, fascinate等）. I do not exactly know（改成know exactly） what kind of feelings it is(改！feelings是复数，they are),but I do realize that I want to see you,to hear your voice,to stay by your side,to share happiness and sorrows with you.I really want to try my best to let you know what I feel（错，是how I feel） but my words was （大哥，学过英语？words是复数！are）too plain and you know you deserve more（服了！更多的男朋友？！是更好的！！！better）..........
You may (少个be，=。=)disappointed at（用by） what I did to you. Actually you may thought（我要。。。may后面是原型think） I did nothing to promote the relationship between you and me.（意思怪怪的！你要强迫？！） I guess you never thought I cared about you. But,baby（建议不用baby，人家还没跟你怎么样……） that was not true. I was just to（too） proud to say it out （aloud）cause（because，口语的东西嘛。。。） I am not the kind to ever let my feelings show cause I thought being strong meant never losing my self control.（这句改不了，建议重写。。。） Now i am conscious of i am wrong （中文啥意思？），fall in love（fall是动词怎么作主语？。。。） is so complicated that I do not know how to handle it . But this time I know to let my feelings go chasing the sense from the bottom of my heart, so tell me what can I do to make it up to you?（你。。。重写这句吧。。。） It's really not easy for me to say （除了say 也可以用tell等的。。。）that cause I （少have）never done that before. You are the first girl to whom I have the courage to put down my armor and express my real feelings（feelings用太多了啊）.I remember （如果是对偶句的话，加个宾语吧）when I vowed the vows, I also remember the ache in my heart when I saw the sadness in your eyes.Girl you should know what you have got,others can't steal it. No , they can not even feel it!（怪怪的，她到底有啥宝贝呀？）
Last time when I saw you turn to leave chatting with your friends cheerfully (是在聊还是不在聊啊？). All of a sudden i almost feel（是felt） that i will lose you if i don't take any further step to keep you by my side.（怎么看，你都像来强的。。。建议用虚拟语气，很适合） When i walk home alone i know i need you more than to take a chance on losing you.（大哥，过去式……） It's been a long time coming for me and also for you,but i know it's been worth the wait（waiting吧）.
Was what I say too much for you ? If it was i apologize（哥，你的时态……）. But if you feel what i feel trust your heart and i will take care of everything. Would you like to give me one more chance?（什么是再一次的机会？难道已经有过一次了？） Would you?

哥们儿，你自己看着办。