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"A Major Light In My Life"
My Dearest Son,
I will always think of you with so much love and pride, for the boy you once were and the man you have become. When God blessed your Dad and I with you, He blessed us REAL good. I cannot think of a time since your birth that you have not been a joy to our hearts and a blessing to our lives.
You are the finest young man it has ever been my pleasure to know, and in all aspects of your life, I hope you will think of yourself with as much high regard as your Dad and I think of you, remembering always, that when you think of yourself with high regard it is also easier to think of others in that same way. In so doing, respect for yourself becomes respect for others.
You have always been a caring and loving Son, You are a loving Husband to our wonderful Daughter-In-Law and a loving Father to our two extraordinary Grandchildren.
I have always believed that the good in all humankind can't help but spill over on one another. Son, keep allowing your goodness to spill over!
Darlin' you have a beautiful, talented and wonderful family, and each one of you are bright shining stars, in Dad's and my eyes. No matter how hard I tried, I could never find the words to tell you how very much we love you and how thankful to God we are, for His having given you to us, to nurture for awhile...and to love for all eternity.
With all my love,
Mom
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You are leaving home today. I keep repeating that statement over and over in my mind, trying to understand what it means. I have had your lifetime to prepare for this, sometimes wanting it to come quickly and sometimes hoping this day would never come. Most of the time though, I have been preparing myself and preparing you, by madly gathering lifeâs questions and answers in the hope that I havenât forgotten anything. I keep revising the list inside my head; checking off all the things I know Iâve already told you â so many times.
As tempting as it is to slip a few of the big ones into a casual conversation I correct myself and let it go. An image of your face appears before me and I see your eyes look upward and your mouth tighten with that expression of yours that we both know so well. âMum I know â you have told me a hundred times already.â
Well, you know me well enough to expect a letter tucked away in your luggage with just a couple of pages of instructions about âkeeping yourself safe and healthyâ. You might even expect to find food in there, a little treat to keep you going. And lots of XXXâs scribbled on a note like noisy kisses on your bare belly.
Protecting you and preparing you has been such a big part of who I am â itâs hard to redefine myself and accept that my job is done.
I remind myself that this is about you, but as usual, here I am making it about me again. Slightly neurotic, I find myself wanting to explain or apologize or gain some kind of absolution from you. I want to go back into your history and call myself to your attention and wipe the slate clean of all my mistakes. I do admit
that I have been selfish and hypocritical at times, and I donât want you to leave now thinking it was your fault or that you didnât deserve better.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you say âDonât worry about it, it doesnât matterâ.
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My dear son,
It seems like yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital, and now you are my little man. Your father and I were very nervous at the prospect of being first time parents. It did not strike us until you arrived - and then it hit us. I must say, your father took to being a dad pretty quickly; it was almost like he had been a dad all his life! But I was overwhelmed by this new responsibility. To care for this tiny life for the rest of my life! Was I ready for it?
It took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that I was a mother and was going to be one forever. But today after five years of looking back, I cannot help but smile. It is a feeling of fulfillment beyond words. Although I am still not sure if I am a great mother, I feel that I have done some justice to the role.
Every milestone of yours was a kind of personal victory for me. Your first smile, your first word, your first step.... I was just amazed and once again overwhelmed at what a little miracle you are.
As the years passed things started to get very challenging and sometimes I found myself in very difficult situations. The mess you made, the tantrums you threw, and the other millions of naughty things you did really stressed me out. I have agonised over many of the decisions I had to make when it came to discipline. I have had many arguments with your dad. But in time we learnt to parent as a team. We still have our differences of opinion but have learned to listen to each other.
The times I was affected the most was when you were sick. Flu, ear infections, visits to the doctor, sleepless nights, antibiotics, shots......
Now I have learnt to take things in my stride and deal with them with a calm mind. The one thing that helped me tremendously through the toughest of times was your smile - that 1000 watt glow made me forget everything and realize it was all worth it.
Soon it was time for preschool. I prepared you as much as I could for that dreaded first day, but you cried so much and I sat down and cried with you. After the first week you were better adjusted, but I still cried because I did not want to let go.
Preschool flew by, I could not keep up. Bee stings, baseball, karate, swimming lessons..... Today you start kindergarten, your first year of proper, all day, everyday school. I just want you to have a lot of fun, enjoy your school work, make good friends and most of all be a good human being.
We live our life in phases. When one ends, another begins. Change is constant and life is short. So seize the moment and live life to the fullest, have no regrets.
I have learnt so much from you and will continue to do so for the years to come. How to forgive, how to love unconditionally not expecting anything in return, how to be innocent, how to enjoy the small things in life, how to be carefreeâ¦. The list is endless.... Thank you! You have made my life worthwhile! God bless you!
Love u always,
Mom
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