请英语达人看看我这个英文的自我介绍写的对不对，有什么建议么

Question

my name is xxxxx, i'm 24 years old.
我叫xx,今天24

and to tell the truth, i am not majoring in Computer Science,
如实说，我不是学计算机专业的。

but programming has become my hobby when I was in college.
可是编程成为我的兴趣当我还在大学的时候。

It also make me have a sense of achievement. so I decided to dedicate my life to computer and programming work.
编程还让我觉得非常有成就感，所以我决定把毕生奉献给计算机和编程事业

I have over 4 years of experience developing software using C on unix/linux platform.

我有超过8年的unix/linux平台的软件开发经验

and now, I am sure I am not only a good designer but also a excellent program writer.
现在我确定我不光是一个优秀的设计者，还是一个优秀的程序写手。

I am proficient at C programming on unix and linux OS, and I am also proficient at network communication programming.
我精通unix/linux下c语言编程，并且我也精通网络通讯编程

my frequently sed OS platform is Redhat enterprise server and aix 5.3 I am a expert in mutil-p,mutil-th,ipc, dll,and socket programming.
and I also have knowlegde about some LKM programming.
我经常使用的平台是redhat企业服务器和aix，我是一个多进程，多线程，dll,ipc,socket方面的老手， 并且我也有一些LKM方面的知识

I am proud of a project which is started from the plan and finished under schedules step by step. and I've done that during my last
employment,
我为那种从计划开始到一步一步完成的项目感到自豪，并且在上个公司有过这样的经历

We designed the XXX system and developed it, and has passed the Pressure Testing successfully. it was indeed a exciting experience. I was charge of background server design and most coding work.
我设计开发了xx系统，并且成功通过压力测试， 那真是一个惊动人心的经历阿，我在那个项目里负责后台服务器设计和大部分编码工作
after that project and because of some private reason, I quit that job.
在哪个项目之后因为一些私人原因，我离开了公司
now, I would like to become a member of you and i'd like to prove i have the qualification
现在，我希望能假如你们并且我想证明我有这个能力资格
that's all，thank you
以上，谢谢

Answer 1

my name is xxxxx, i'm 24 years old.
我叫xx,今年（1）24

and to tell the truth, i was(2) not majoring in Computer Science,
如实说，我不是学计算机专业的。

but programming had(3) become my hobby when I was in college.
可是编程成为我的兴趣当我还在大学的时候。

It also made(4) me have a sense of achievement,(5) so I decided to dedicate my life to computer and programming work.
编程还让我觉得非常有成就感，所以我决定把毕生奉献给计算机和编程事业

I have over 4 years of experience developing software using C on unix/linux platform.

我有超过4(5)年的unix/linux平台的软件开发经验

and now, I am sure I am not only a good designer but also an(6) excellent program writer.
现在我确定我不光是一个优秀的设计者，还是一个优秀的程序写手。

I am proficient at C programming on unix and linux OS, and I am also proficient at network communication programming.
我精通unix/linux下c语言编程，并且我也精通网络通讯编程

my frequently sed(?) OS platform is Redhat enterprise server and aix 5.3 I am an(7) expert in mutil-p,mutil-th,ipc, dll,and socket programming.
and I also have knowlegde about some LKM programming.
我经常使用的平台是redhat企业服务器和aix，我是一个多进程，多线程，dll,ipc,socket方面的老手， 并且我也有一些LKM方面的知识

I am proud of a project which is from the start to the end on (8)schedules step by step. and I've experienced(9) that during my last job(10).
employment,
我为那种从计划开始到一步一步完成的项目感到自豪，并且在上个公司有过这样的经历

We designed the XXX system and developed it, and (11) passed the Pressure Testing successfully. It(12) was indeed an(13) exciting experience. I was in(14) charge of background server design and most of the(15) coding work.
我设计开发了xx系统，并且成功通过压力测试， 那真是一个惊动人心的经历阿，我在那个项目里负责后台服务器设计和大部分编码工作
After(16) that project, for(17) some private reasons(18), I quit that job.
在哪个项目之后因为一些私人原因，我离开了公司
Now(19), I would like to become a member of you and i'd like to prove I(20) have the qualification.
现在，我希望能假如你们并且我想证明我有这个能力资格
That's(21) all，and(22) thank you.(23)
以上，谢谢

Answer 2

my name is xxxxx, i'm 24 years old.
我叫xx,今天24

and to tell the truth, i am not majoring in Computer Science,
如实说，我不是学计算机专业的。

but programming has become my hobby SINCE I was in college.
可是编程成为我的兴趣当我还在大学的时候。

It also GIVES me a sense of achievement. so I DECIDE to dedicate my life to computer and programming work.
编程还让我觉得非常有成就感，所以我决定把毕生奉献给计算机和编程事业

I have over 4 years of experience OF developing software using C on unix/linux platform.

我有超过8年的unix/linux平台的软件开发经验

and now, I am sure I am not only a good designer but also AN excellent program writer.
现在我确定我不光是一个优秀的设计者，还是一个优秀的程序写手。

I am proficient at C programming on unix and linux OS, and I am also proficient at network communication programming.
我精通unix/linux下c语言编程，并且我也精通网络通讯编程

my frequently sed OS platform is Redhat enterprise server and aix 5.3 I am AN expert in mutil-p,mutil-th,ipc, dll,and socket programming.
and I also have knowlegde about some LKM programming.
我经常使用的平台是redhat企业服务器和aix，我是一个多进程，多线程，dll,ipc,socket方面的老手， 并且我也有一些LKM方面的知识

I am proud of a project which is started from the plan and finished STEP BY STEP ACCORDING TO schedules . and I've done that during my last
employment,
我为那种从计划开始到一步一步完成的项目感到自豪，并且在上个公司有过这样的经历

We designed the XXX system and developed it, and IT has passed the Pressure Testing successfully. it was indeed AN exciting experience. I was IN charge of background server design and most coding work.
我设计开发了xx系统，并且成功通过压力测试， 那真是一个惊动人心的经历阿，我在那个项目里负责后台服务器设计和大部分编码工作
AFTER that project and because of some PERSONAL reason, I quit that job.
在哪个项目之后因为一些私人原因，我离开了公司
Now, I would like to become a member of you and I'd like to prove MY qualification
现在，我希望能假如你们并且我想证明我有这个能力资格
that's all，thank you
以上，谢谢

Answer 3

1)i am not majoring in Computer Science,
应该是i am not majored in Computer Science.
2)programming has become my hobby when I was in college
应该是programming has been my hobby when I was in college
3)It also make me have a sense of achievement. so I decided to dedicate my life to computer and programming work.
应该是It also makes me have a sense of achievement. so I decide to dedicate my life to the work of computer and programming.
4)I have over 4 years of experience developing software using C on unix/linux platform.
我觉得在experience后加in更好
5） a excellent program writer，将a 改为an

6）a exciting experience，同样将a 改为 an
7)i am proud of a project which is started from the plan and finished under schedules step by step.关于这句，我觉得
i am proud of the project which we started from plan and then finished under schedules step by step.这样更好
这些都是我自己的看法，这是要用于面试的吧，希望能对你的面试有所帮助！

Answer 4

excellent self introduction